This wellness post is a little different than the others I’ve written. This time I want to tell you a story. I started focusing on my wellness after giving up my volunteer role and 2nd job. I was working 2 jobs, volunteering, and blogging so I was super busy. Walking away from the things I was involved in was hard because I really did enjoy them. But, I was tired and I knew I wasn’t taking care of myself the way I should. I explain this in my first wellness post as well as the goals I set for myself to be more productive and intentional with my time. Here’s what I’ve learned about passion since leaving my role as sorority advisor and dream career as a hairstylist.
I’m sharing what I refer to as my realization because it makes a big difference in the way I look at this season. For several reasons, working at the salon and full-time at the bank was no longer feasible. I was afraid to leave my job as a stylist because that meant I was giving up my dream. That worried me because I thought if I gave it up I would never get it back. Not only is doing hair something I’d been wanting to do since elementary school, it’s a creative outlet that I didn’t want to lose.
Giving back by volunteering for my sorority was something that meant a lot to me. I’ve met so many wonderful women through my involvement since college and I enjoyed my position as chapter advisor. I knew if I stopped I may not be able to have that same role again and I would miss the satisfaction of helping women going through the same things I did at that time.
So, to put it simply, at the time I thought if I gave these things up then I would lose my passion. I thought I wouldn’t have the things that kept me going and what the heck would I do with myself?
Before I go on, I should explain what I mean by “tired” and “super busy”. Dinner meant eating fast food in my car or sitting at Panera alone with headphones. I had to drive 45 mins home in pitch black after an 8 hour work day and 2-4 hours of meetings at least once a week. I would rush from job one to job two a few times a week. And I would have to pack 2 outfits and 2 lunches for those days. Not all of these happened on the same night but within the same week. During busy months I’d spend more time at the sorority house or the salon so my schedule would get even more complicated.
Am I the only one that’s tired after reading that?
I don’t mention this to have a pity party but to show just how confused I was in thinking that passion was what I was doing instead of the things I was doing reflecting my passion. And that, my friends, is when I lost. Because when passion doesn’t fulfill you in the same way anymore it starts to lose its meaning and then it becomes a chore.
Is many things. So is success. My success isn’t measured by how busy I am and I won’t like something when I’m worn down just because I’m good at it.
Is not always about money but sometimes you have to focus on that. I ended up taking a full-time job that was closer to home that put me in a much better place financially. And while I believe that doing something you like might not be lucrative at first, I have student loans that were keeping me from some of my personal goals and desires.
Never truly dies. You can find it in other things. I’m not doing hair regularly right now but I have more time to devote to growing my blog. And it turns out my blog is also a creative outlet. I also get to focus on my fitness and see my boyfriend more often.
Comes and goes. I was worried that if I stopped doing those roles I wouldn’t have a chance to do them again. But, realistically that’s not true. Sometime down the road I’ll have less student loan debt and more time to spend perfecting my skills. I may feel like I’m starting over but that isn’t the end of the world. As for volunteering, the sorority will always have a place for me.
Can look different during different seasons. At this time I’m okay with a short commute and spending more quiet nights at home. I like being able to work on my blog on my laptop in front of the TV. Or read a book before bed. Maybe next year I’ll find a new way to spend my time but for now my passion manifests in the people close to me and this blog.
Doesn’t define. This was a big one for me! I felt so sad that I couldn’t say I’m a hairstylist and an advisor because I thought those roles defined me. But being a hairstylist or advisor doesn’t make me Caitlin. My skills, creativity and passion do. And those attributes will be there whether cosmetology or advising are or not.
Looking back I’m glad I forced myself to take a step back and focus on my well-being. It wasn’t easy to trust that when I was on the other side I wouldn’t be miserable, but I did come to realize this change was exactly what I needed.
Hopefully, this helps you look at your season differently, whether you’re struggling with passion or something else.
What is your passion? How do you fulfill it?
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